Some of you have asked me why I have not been writing....I'm not saying for sure but I am mostly convinced that perfectionism has something to do with it.
Author Anne Lamott has this to say about the "p" word:
“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people.
It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life...”
So...Thanksgiving, in a less than perfect post:
The THREE of us (Big C is a college freshman now...with a car...and a schedule of his own) traveled back to my home, in Western Kentucky, as is our custom. My Dad holds space for us to be together, whoever WE might be, in a great big house he insists on calling a cabin on Kentucky Lake. My brother and his sweet family came this year, an unusual occurrence. Big C met us there. My aunt and uncle and my cousin live near by. Other loved ones didn't make it this year....we'll keep our fingers crossed for next year.
I usually assist my Dad with the turkey but this year I assisted my brother who has a knack in the kitchen. He turned out a really fine bird....very pretty AND tasty!
We took walks in the woods before and after we ate cherry pie. Three of 'em, to be exact. Pies, that is. The dogs swam in the lake.
I brought homemade blackberry jam and my brother made biscuits for breakfast.
Little c and her cousins played with dolls and made quilt forts.
Harper the Dog wrestled day and night with my brother's dog and my Dad bought some dog bowls to keep at the cabin because "we have dogs now."
My cousin brought her new baby who looks just like she did as a baby. I kept saying that until someone found old photos to prove it! We all passed the baby around, admired her kick ass shoes and made silly faces to amuse her.
My aunt made her famous artichoke dip AND she made her famous spinach dip AND she made a fuss over the "cowboy candy" I brought for the first time this year....I gave her the rest of the jar to take home with her. Her mama came to dinner too. Generations of Us.
We listened to old songs on a fancy new speaker we could all control from our phones (FUN!) and found some new (warning: not fit for all audiences!) favorites.
On the day after Thanksgiving, we moved the stack of pies and coconut cake off the counter to make room for leftovers. Left down low, my brother's dog helped himself to a 1/4 of a triple layer coconut cake AND the plastic wrap that was covering it. In about 2 bites. While no one was looking. And no one got pissy. EVEN though we really, REALLY like the coconut cake my aunt buys from the Senior Citizens Holiday Bake Sale.
We drank craft beer and lots of wine and tea, iced and hot. Michael fixed us oatmeal for breakfast. We talked about getting older and growing up. Maybe. Someday. We fell asleep early and woke up early and finally managed to stay up til 10:30 on the last night.
Dad's wife left early to catch a plane because her new grandbaby was born! On my niece's birthday! We all relived our labor and birth stories in solidarity.
My dear friend sent an email that she lost her mother that night.
My sister in law knitted an Outlander inspired cowl for me. Lickety split! I showed her how to crochet like my Granny showed me. Well, not that good but as good as I know how.
My dad saw a coyote.
I made sure we had too much butter and no one let me forget it.
The turkey brine leaked all over the made-one-day-ahead sweet potato casserole.
I FORGOT my camera (but my uncle loaned me his!).
I thought I found a geode, but it was just a rock.
I had one job for the day-before-Thanksgiving-last-minute-go-to-the-Wal-Mart-trip.....keep charge of the list. So I left it lying on my bed when I ran back to my bedroom to grab my phone. Wal-Mart isn't exactly close to the cabin. My brother took a picture of it and emailed it to Michael. Whew.
We remembered family sorrows and we were somber.
We poked fun at one another.
We laughed. A lot.
If perfectionism is the enemy, I am so glad we had a less than perfect Thanksgiving. But it seemed pretty perfect to me.
Blessings to all ya'll.
Namaste,
Lisa
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A few days ago, early, early in the morning, just as I was beginning to even realize that yes, I was awake, it hit me like a ton of bricks...."Holy S**T - I've got to get busy." My brain started screaming, "GET UP NOW! There's so much to do. You will NEVER get it all done." My brain was in full panic mode one minute and then, waving the white flag the next, "You might as well just lay here. You're screwed anyway. It's too late to do it all and you're just a a big old failure!"
Yes, it's here. THAT time of year. The Holiday Season. Thanksgiving is tomorrow and Advent is beginning.
Time to deck the halls, prepare the feast(s), give time and money to those less fortunate and, above all, spend meaningful, quality time with friends and family! (And oh yeah, I'm a Christian so I need to figure out how to squeeze some time in with G-O-D too.)
Here's what the dictionary has to say about the word "holiday."
The word holiday derived from the notion of "Holy Day", and gradually evolved to its current form. The word holiday comes from the Old English word hāligdæg. The word originally referred only to special religious days. In modern use, it means any special day of rest or relaxation, as opposed to normal days away from work or school...
I don't know about you but when I think of a holiday, the words rest and relaxtion rarely come up for me.
I love the holiday season...I love being with family, I love decorating our home and I love cooking special meals. I even love choosing special gifts. Most of my friends say they love it too.
There is a problem though. How do we do all of these extra things to make the holidays "special" when our normal, everyday lives often feel so busy.....so full....so stressful?
Perhaps I could stop asking you and focus on asking myself. "How do I do it?" And the answer to that is, "Not very well."
Entering into spiritual direction and spending a year of intentional contemplative living has completely transformed me. Instead of poking Michael in the ribs, this year I waited for him to wake up on his own...before launching into the screeching, frantic litany that has become as much a tradition this time of year as the sweet potato casserole ....."I CANNOT do this alone. You HAVE to help me." And there must have been an echo in the room, because the same voice that just a few moments before been yelling at me was now urgently shouting at a bewildered and half asleep Michael, "GET UP NOW! There's so much to do!"
It's totally unfair because Michael is completely willing to do anything I ask. He really pitches in and does a great deal of the work in our home. I understand why it hurts his feelings when I start screeching like that. Especially if he is still half asleep. Honey, if you are reading this, I'm sorry.
I don't have an easy answer for myself and I sure don't for any of you. If you have suggestions, do us all a favor and post them in the comment section. I am very organized. I've read all the books AND implemented many of the suggestions I found in them. I've cut back. I've simplified.
The fact is, this time of year, everyone wants in on the fun...there are school parties, team parties, office parties, bookclub parties, and neighborhood parties. If you are part of any sort of community, odds are there will be a party. And you will have to bring a dish. And maybe a Secret Santa gift.
There are holiday sights to see, special plays and music concerts, dance recitals and holiday sports tournaments to attend. There are ministries to participate in that are meaningful and important,especially this time of year.
Anyway you slice it, this is a busy time of year. The only option we have then is to how we choose to respond.
You know how trees sometimes grow tall and wide and beautiful but in doing so, they begin to get in the way of powerlines? Often, without thought for aesthetics or even the longterm health of the tree, utility companies will hastily whack off a tree top. Or a whole side of a tree...leaving in their thoughtless wake scarred and sometimes fatally wounded trees. I wish we would respect the trees.
One year, in an overreaction to the stress in my life, I did that to our Christmas celebration. I pruned it back so hard that it was nearly unrecognizable. That didn't work any better than the previous years of living for two months on caffeinne, alchohol and 3 hours of sleep, all to ensure a "perfect" holiday.
On the other hand, those lovely, beautiful trees can get in the way of the powerlines and, when the days of wind and snow and ice are upon us, those trees can lose branches or even topple over...they can damage the powerlines...leaving us without light. Leaving us in the cold. We must respect the power lines too.
It's a delicate balance. We could do our best to stay mindful. We could do our best to honor the needs of our bodies...for rest, for sleep, for healthy food. We could do our best to carve out silent, still quiet moments in the midst of loud, chaotic, joyful busy-ness, wherever we can.
I will pray for you this joyful, stressful, meaningful, hectic, spirit filled, busy holiday season.
I ask that you pray for me as well. (And Michael.)
Namaste,
Lisa
