in clover: a (not so) rare experience

A few days ago, I realized that the Facebook page that supports this blog, In clover, was at 196 "likes."   I recall the day the page reached 100 likes, which was very exciting indeed.   It has been at least one year to reach 100 more.  This blog and the In Clover page are growing....slowly, slowly growing.  On a good day, I do my best not to focus on how many or how few subscribers and "likers" there are.  Instead, as author Stephen Pressfield said in a recent interview with Oprah, I attempt to focus on simply putting my "ass in the chair."  In front of a computer.  Now, type!   It's been hard to do that lately but here I am again, typing.  The thing that allowed me to start again was author Anne Lamott's reflection that the starting place is almost always a "shitty first draft." 

Now that I have graduated and I have an opportunity to see as many directees as the Spirit sends my way, my spiritual direction practice is also growing....slowly, slowly growing.    As far as paid work, I now have four "directees"  that I meet with quite regularly.  I have also been priviledged to lead or co-lead a few retreats for other organizations for pay and I am looking forward to offering my own brand of weekend retreats soon.  As far as unpaid ministry, I continue to work weekly with the group called Cultivating Mindfulness at Central Christian Church.  We practice meditation, mindfulness exercises, contemplative group engagement and group spiritual direction.  Cultivating Mindfulness, now in it's fourth year,  has recently experienced some exciting growth, inviting us to move into a larger room at the church for our time together.

If I am honest, I will admit that I am both encouraged and discouraged at the same time.  For one thing, people are really, really busy.  Most folks have little time for this kind of work.  But that biggest barrier I notice is that many people have never heard of "spiritual direction" before.  And yet, I hear many, many people expressing themselves in ways that leaves me certain that they crave the experience of spiritual direction.  The problem is that most us  lack the language to express it.  Because we've never heard of it.  

And often, after you try to explain it, folks wonder if it's something really strange....

....or why in the world you would pay someone to listen to you.   

Or they completely misunderstand and think that a director will tell them what to think, believe or do.  That either makes them very uncomfortable or very comfortable but either way, it's a misunderstanding of what direction is. 

Recently, while perusing my newsfeed on FaceBook,  I noticed  Parker Palmer's facebook status immediately.  (I also noticed that Parker Palmer has 29, 322 likes on his FaceBook page)

"When was the last time someone asked you an honest, open question—one that invited you to reflect more deeply on your own life, asked by a person who did not want to advise you or "fix" you but "hear you into speech," deeper and deeper speech?

For most of us, that's a rare experience. In our culture, we tend to ask each other questions that are "fixes" or advice in disguise. "Have you thought about seeing a therapist?" is NOT an honest, open question!

But when we share a problem with someone who wants to listen and knows how to ask honest, open questions... Now we have a chance to learn from our own inner teacher, to tap into own inner wisdom."   

Palmer is dead on with this quote.  He has articulated eloquently the importance and the beauty of participating in spiritual direction.   This "rare experience" is what happens in a spiritual direction session.  

It doesn't have to be such a rare experience. 

It seemed important to me that I share that with you.

There you have it....my shitty first fifth draft.  

Namaste,

Lisa


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in clover: minds like crows

“Our minds are like crows. They pick up everything that glitters, no matter how uncomfortable our nests get with all that metal in them.” Thomas Merton

I like home décor and decorating television shows. An old favorite is “Clean House” on the Style channel. The premise of the show is simple. The “Clean House” team (organizer, designer, handyman and host) arrives at a home that is completely over-run with lots and lots of clutter. They use all sorts of tactics to pry the clutter loose from the grasp of the inhabitants and then sell the clutter in a huge yard sale and donate whatever is left to charity. The yard sale proceeds (plus a little extra) are used to make over the home into a functional and inviting space. When the homeowners play along, the transformations are really quite incredible.


As the team begins to sort the various items, identifying what should go, disagreements break out over who should let go of what. No one wants to give up their own stuff but everyone is quick to point out what the other family members should give up. This accumulation of stuff is literally rendering their homes unlivable. They know this is the truth but they are overwhelmed by the task of cleaning it up or sometimes, they don’t really want to get rid of the excess. They just don’t want to see it or have to step over it any more. Often it is clear that they really hope the clutter can be organized and stored, rather than gotten rid of.


There are mothers of teenagers who can’t let go of baby clothes and bassinets and young adults hanging on to a childhood’s worth of toys. There are piles of clothes, craft supplies, power tools, pots and pans, books, car parts, holiday décor and super-sized collections of every sort, ranging from velvet Jesus paintings to Viking helmets. Sometimes the things belonged to a beloved family member who has passed away. Sometimes it is left from a failed business venture.


As the home owners stand in the doorway, gazing upon an unusable room, they will explain to the team what the purpose of the room is supposed to be…dining room, living room, guest bedroom…and then they express what they would like to room to become... home office, nursery, craft room, or simply functional again. But when it comes down to letting go of all the clutter housed there in order to transform the room into what they say they want, most of them put up a big ole’ fight. I’m sure some of it is staged for the camera but clearly in many cases, the team hits a real nerve. These folks have seen the show, they know what kind of transformation lies ahead, they ASKED for this and still, it is an enormous struggle to part with these things. It’s humbling to be honest about the condition of their home. And it’s a big job to begin clearing the mess.


I’m sure you know where I am headed with this. About 20 years ago, I read a book called “Clear Your Clutter With Feng Shui” by Karen Kingston. At the time, I wasn’t all that sure about the feng shui part but I found the book very inspiring. Now, I wasn’t knee deep in clutter but I did have many, many things that just didn’t serve me any more….clothes that no longer fit but had cost “good money”, knick knacks that weren’t “me” but came from an expensive store or were a gift from a dear friend, books I read but would never read again, and so forth. In her book, Karen says that your outer state is a physical representation of your inner state.  That really got my attention. That made me uncomfortable. That gave me something to think about.


I invite you to reflect on that. If it makes you uncomfortable, that's ok.  The goal here is not to judge how you feel but simply to notice it and then to sit with it. What do you hold in your heart that you no longer need? A tendency to perfectionism?  Anger? Resentment? Fear? Judgement?  Like the homeowners on “Clean House,” we can choose to be very brave….we can choose to be very honest …and we can choose to dig deep, past the surface layer.

It can be very, very difficult to dig down deep.  In spiritual direction practice, we have a saying..."a dragon guards the treasure."  It can be very scary to confront that fire breathing dragon but truly that is what we must do if we are seeking transformation. 

We have very good reasons for the emotions we carry with us. Life is not fair. We are human and we get hurt and we get angry and frustrated and defensive and self-righteous and we become fearful. Like the homeowner who cannot fathom giving up her only daughter’s out grown baby clothes, we cannot imagine giving up our perfectionism, our anger and our expectations and yet, that is exactly what we need to do in order to truly live.   As physical clutter renders a home unlivable, emotional clutter keeps us trapped in the past; unable to live fully; unable to move forward; unable to claim the kingdom. We can choose to create space in our homes for living and we can choose to create space in our hearts for Divine Transformation.   

Now, not many of us can claim clutter free homes any more than we can claim clutter free hearts.  After reading my post, if you are beginning to judge yourself harshly, please stop.  Harsh judgement of oneself is not Sacred.  Allow yourself some Grace.  Remember...

peace and all good, 

Lisa 

(A version of this post originally appeared on The Bluevine Collective.  I have been revisiting the issue of clutter, both the physical and emotional,  in my own life and so I am revisiting this post.  In the original post, which ran in September of 2010, I noticed that I said, "we must" and "we have to" and "we should."  I have intentionally changed that wording to "we can choose to.") 

in clover: sacred brokenness

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(This is a post that ran a few years ago...I have no idea why but it wants to post again, today.  Who am I to stand in the way of the spirit?)

In the spring of 2005, I was expecting a baby girl (little c) and a 40 foot high cube container of antiques from England and France.   The few years preceding had been difficult for my extended family…there had been deaths, divorces, financial troubles and other trying personal issues.   Lots of painful change. We had faced some hard times.

Anxious to get the new inventory cleaned, displayed and sold before the baby arrived, I was counting down the days until the ship carrying my container docked in Norfolk, VA.  The container would then make its way by truck to the shop.  Everything would need to be unpacked, cleaned, inventoried, photographed, priced and sold.  Post September 11, the import business had changed a lot but in almost 10 years we had never had any trouble getting our container through customs.   

Never say never.  First the container was detained for X-ray inspection.  Apparently my penchant for old garden and farm tools raised suspicions and so the container was completely unpacked for a physical inspection.  I was physically unable to do heavy lifting so Michael drove to Virginia. He had been told on the phone that he could repack the container.  A container, well packed, is a thing of beauty…hastily packed, it’s a disaster.  Michael drove home a week later, having never been allowed to even lay eyes on our container.

Two weeks later it arrived and we held our breath.   A birdbath…the basin cracked in two…a carton of blue and white porcelain plates shattered.  The leg of a very fine 18^th century buffet, snapped.  The list went on.  As we dug into the middle of the container I came upon a pile of what had once been lovely French earthenware jugs.  I was excited that I had been able to source so many and had imagined how I would display them and how great they would look.  They were shattered inside their shoddily replaced bubble wrap. 

At the end of the day, we realized it could have been worse. The furniture could be repaired, although it would be costly.  I sat on the floor with the damaged plates and a hammer.  I broke them into small pieces and displayed the broken bits in large glass canisters.  Finally I sold the pieces to a woman wanting to learn mosaic work.  Mike glued the birdbath together and brought it to our home…we didn’t think we could guarantee it well enough to feel right about selling it to someone else.  The French jugs were a lost cause except for one that was broken across the middle.  I sat it in an out of the way corner, by my work station, and left it there.

One day, I was helping a client sketch ideas and plans for a small fountain.   She had an old tub to for the base and was looking for something for the actual font.   She decided on an urn…the water would bubble up from the center, cascade down the sides of the urn and back into the tub.  It was going to be lovely.  I had been threatening to add a water feature to our garden for years but I didn’t like the fountains I saw for sale at home improvement stores.     

Hmmmm….

I wandered the store looking for pieces to combine into a fountain.  One of the biggest hurdles to designing a fountain is hiding the pump.  I knew that my fountain would go under a dogwood tree so it needed to be low to the ground…not too tall.  A low stone trough would be great but what to go with it?

Maybe an urn like my client chose?  No, the colors were too similar.  An enamel body pitcher?  No, it would rust out in a season and the scale was all wrong. Maybe an English watering can?  No, just didn’t look right.  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the two pieces of the broken French jug.  I set the top in the trough.  The angle of the break was just right…just right for a fountain!  The dark brown color stood out against the putty colored stone.  And best of all, because the bottom was missing (broken), the pump would be easily hidden.  Voila!  My perfect fountain.

Most of the time, I am able to see the sacred in wholeness. But when something breaks, I try to fix it. And that’s ok…many things CAN be mended.  In fact, in this disposable world we live in, more things SHOULD be mended.  When things can’t be fixed or we won’t take the time or the trouble to try, we often dispose of them….send them off to the landfill where we don’t have to see them anymore.   

But there is sacredness in the broken things too…broken things, broken relationships, even broken people.   It’s all sacred.  When something breaks and cannot be fixed, we have an opportunity to re-vision it…give it a new purpose.  Instead of banishing it from our sight, we can learn to live with the imperfection…the loss.  We can sit and look at the broken things…learn to appreciate them fully…even come to love them… maybe even more than we did in their wholeness. 

As a whole, perfect thing, the French jug would have sat in my dining room…a lovely display. But in its brokenness, the jug directs cool water into a basin….the water makes music …robins bath in my fountain every morning!  Children cannot resist dipping their hands into the stream.   

I am aware that the jug, in its brokenness, is much, much more fragile than when it was whole.  When the weather turns cool, I do not take a chance.  A cold snap would shatter it for sure.  I store it more carefully than I do the other summer things.  For one thing, how would I replace it? Where does one find a broken jug for sale?  The jug, BECAUSE of its brokenness, is precious to me.   In some ways, it is irreplaceable.

I wonder how it would feel if we treated the broken and chipped places of our hearts with the same care?   As a trainee to become a Spiritual Director, I am required to receive spiritual direction.  I think that so far, most of what I have been learning is just that…to accept, love and cherish those things about me that are nicked…cracked….even shattered.  When we search for the sacred, I hope we do not over look the broken things.

Peace, 

Lisa

in clover: open for business

It's taken me some time to work up the courage to say this here but.....I did it!  I have officially graduated.  I completed a three year certification process with Sycamore Spirituality Center....first, a one year program called Contemplation in Every Day Life and then a two year program called The Art of Spiritual Direction. 

I have a certificate and everything!

I graduated early in May.   I traveled to Cincinnati by myself on a Friday afternoon.  It poured absolute buckets of rain the whole way!  When I arrived at the retreat center on the convent grounds, it was still raining but, despite the downpour, the gardens were absolutely stunning.  I was not willing to get out my nice camera but I snapped these shots using my phone from under a large, black umbrella I found in the stand by the door.  (I NEVER have an umbrella. I am sure that says something about me.)

After dinner, my friend Margaret and I took a walk around the grounds.  We didn't mind that it was still misting rain.  We had a lovely chat with one of the sisters who was taking the convent pooch for a walk.  As we made our way around the grounds, I felt very drawn to this gate.  I do not know why but I really wanted to take a photo of it.  I don't think it was locked.  Maybe I should have tried to open it....

Later, after everyone had arrived, we gathered in a circle and spent time together, quietly and reflectively, in this beautiful space.  

 

All the things in the middle of the circle have special meaning.  I found the circle of light even more beautiful and inspiring than usual.  It was quite emotional.

The next day, after spending some time in gratitude for one another, we changed our clothes and got ready to greet our families and friends and then...it was time to graduate! 

Michael and the children drove up from Lexington and my sister and niece came too.  It was nice to have family there.  My spiritual director was also there which was a lovely surprise.  

During the ceremony, we were asked to rise and our family and friends layed hands on us.  I can't even begin to tell you how special that was. 

Each one of us received a blessing.  This my mentor, Steve, blessing me.  It was one of the first times in my life that I have been in "the center of attention" and didn't mind at all...in the past, nervousness and anxiety have spoiled special moments but not this time!

We were also given a white "khata."  A khata is a ceremonial Tibetan scarf symbolizing purity and compassion.  The khatas we were given bears the image of a lotus blossom.  I especially loved this because of the symbolism of the lotus flower.  ReligionFacts website states:

"The roots of a lotus are in the mud, the stem grows up through the water, and the heavily scented flower lies pristinely above the water, basking in the sunlight. This pattern of growth signifies the progress of the soul from the primeval mud of materialism, through the waters of experience, and into the bright sunshine of enlightenment.
Though there are other water plants that bloom above the water, it is only the lotus which, owing to the strength of its stem, regularly rises eight to twelve inches above the surface."

Michael took this photo of me in my khata shortly after the ceremony. 

And my sister took this photo of my family. 

So, my training and internship period have come to end.  I know that the work I have been doing for the past three years, both internal and while sitting with others...one on one and in small groups...has prepared me to go forward confidently with this work.  

Recently, I was a co-leader of a beautiful, contemplative Service of Healing.  It was very powerful.  The day before, I led a group of 12 women in a Contemplative NeedleArts Retreat.  I loved the experience and I am getting very positive feedback from those who attended.  Last month, I led a Personal Mandala Meditation for a group of women who serve others in the Stephen Ministry program.  And the month before that, I worked with a group of social workers and therapists from the Kentucky Center on Trauma and Children, based on Jon Kabat Zinn's work in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction.  I have even put together a brochure about myself and spiritual direction.  The one thing I had failed to do was announce it here.  

So, UNIVERSE....

my spiritual direction and retreat leadership practice is officially:

And to all of you, I am going officially on record to say that I am available for individual and group direction work.  If you want to know more, email me at lisagmaas@gmail.com.   If you are part of a group that would like a contemplative experience, send me a note. My emerging specialty is providing creative, contemplative experiences. 

I am qualified, prepared and eager to do this work! God willing, I hope to be doing this work for a very long time to come.

Namaste,  Lisa

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in clover: welcoming new life

Recently I had the honor of co-hosting a baby shower for a dear friend.  Little c was over the top...she loves a party, especially when it involves lots of pink.   She was a great help and inspiration and we enjoyed each others company in our preparations.  (Well, most of the time anyway!) 

We made our first batch of cake pops together....

We displayed them in a pair of vintage English urns that I borrowed from my shop inventory.  

 

We made a banner and a big tissue paper flower to decorate our fireplace.....

We made heart shaped cucumber, basil and cream cheese tea sandwiches and decorated them with a tiny bit of impatien blossom.  (Yes, impatiens, like pansies, are edible!) 

And we made tiny little heart shaped pimento cheese bites...

We even made our gift....

I have made several hats and one pair of the knitted Mary Jane shoes before but this was my first ever sweater.  I found the free crochet pattern on line and I added some details of my own.  Our guest of honor received several beautiful handmade gifts and I could tell, she really appreciated them.  

Other friends planned the games and contributed homemade cupcakes and layer cakes,  yummy cookies and beautiful fresh fruit and veg.  I noticed that sharing the responsibilities increased my joy...and not just because I had less work to do but because it was more fun to plot and plan together.  Often I find that my own creativity is unleashed when I am around other creative folks.

c and I had a wonderful time decorating the house and fixing the food but the  most fun of all was filling the party favor bags.  Our idea for the favors took some time to gel but eventually, inspired by a big bag of colorful beads we found in our basement craft area, we came up with these:

Each bag contains a white votive candle and a prayer litany rolled into a scroll, secured by a simple prayer bracelet.  My friend Greta introduced me to the idea of giving white candles at baby showers...to be lit during the birth. I love this idea!  The bag of beads we found was left over from a Prayer Bead Meditation I led for a group of women a few years ago and so we thought, why not also give our guests a prayer bracelet? 

I spent some time researching prayers for labor and birth but in the end I wrote my own.  I asked our guest of honor for permission to share it here.  She graciously agreed. 

Actually, this is what she said which I thought was sweet and funny: 

 "Feel free to use our names! And don't forget to mention that one of the prizes for the shower games was a dozen fresh eggs. That was so incredibly cool and I think the world should know."  

We did offer one dozen of our eggs as a game prize and my hens would be proud to know that their eggs were immediately snatched up.  

Feel free to use the litany yourself, I only ask that if you add it to your own blog or print it on paper, please attribute authorship to me and provide my blog address, www.readinclover.com.  I thank you and your karma will too.  :)
 
Namaste, 

Lisa 


A Prayer Bead Litany for the birth of Liv and Elijah's daughter....

Bead One: 

Creator God,

We ask your blessing on Liv, a new mother, as she enters into this unknown and sacred experience of childbirth.  Connect her with the ancient knowledge of her sisters who have come before her.  Help her to embrace her strength.  Help her to embrace her power. Help her to surrender to her bodies own Wisdom.  Fill her heart with joy at the  anticipation of this most divine labor, now beginning to unfold for her.  

Isaiah 41:10
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous hand."

Bead Two:

We ask your blessing on Elijah, a new father, as he emotionally and spiritually labors with Liv and lovingly supports her in her physical labor.   Fill Elijah with stamina and a peace filled divine energy that he might share his strength with and bring Your Presence to Liv.  Connect Elijah to the wisdom of all his brothers who have come before him. Allow him to share deeply with Liv this most sacred experience of labor and childbirth, now beginning to unfold for him. 

Psalm 29:11
"The Lord gives strength to his people, the Lord blesses his people with peace."

Bead Three:

We ask your blessing on this child, a new daughter.  Divinely guide her transition from the womb of her mother into the tender and welcoming embrace of her mother, her father and all the others waiting for her. Throughout her unique birth experience, cradle her in surrender and beauty. Allow your Peace to surround her, as she moves from the warmth, support and darkness of the womb towards the Light of your Creation, bringing your Light into the world by her very Presence. 

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

Bead Four:

We ask your blessing on the medical professionals and caregivers charged with tending Liv and Elijah and their daughter.  Help them remember the sacredness of this experience.  Help them to remember the uniqueness of each birth.  Give each of them the heart of a midwife, mindful of the body, mindful of the spirit, and most mindful that they are witnessing a miracle. Bless their minds, hands, and spirits well as they expertly care for this family, so beloved to us. 

Psalm 118:23
"This is the Lord's doing, and it is wonderful to see!"

Bead Five: 

We ask your blessing on each of us, the family and friends of Liv and Elijah.  Help us support them in labor and childbirth through our prayer and meditations.  We pray with great joy and anticipation and thanksgiving for the soon to be new life in our midst.  We pray for Liv as laborer, in this ancient and sacred rite.  We pray Elijah as supporter and advocate.  We pray for the doctors, nurses and midwives in their call to the medical profession and as witnesses to the miracle of birth. Lord, hear our prayer.

Numbers 6:24-26:

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace." 


Bead Six:

We give thanks for the miracle of birth, the Holy Cycle of Life and for the divinity and humanity of your Living Creation.

Ephesians 3:20:
"Now all glory to God, who is able, through God's mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."

Bead Seven:

We bless this birth! 

(Here I actually included a birth blessing written by someone else but I do not have permission, yet, to include that.)

in clover: watching for fairies

Last summer, on a whim, I put together a small fairy garden.  I used an old english stone trough, pilfered from my antique shop, as the base.  The fantasy garden was ostensibly for Little c.  She was delighted by it and spent quite a bit of time near it, just looking.  And I will admit, I was so taken by my creation (and keeping it tidy...keeping it "right")  that I quietly discouraged "playing" with it.  I am not very proud of that but that is the truth.  This photo is of the fairy garden, last spring.

As the seasons changed, I neglected to winterize the little garden.  It survived, mostly intact, and I intended to put it all back to rights at the first sign of spring...that is, as soon as I had time.  c asked me about it several times but I had no time.  I made lots of promises to get the garden tip top and fairy ready asap, but "not today."  

Then one evening, I wandered outside with a glass of wine.  My intention is always the same....to sit and enjoy.  I have attempted to design our humble garden for this very purpose...there are comfortable chairs scattered about with tables nearby for a book or a mug of coffee, umbrellas for shade and flowers for enjoyment.  As winter becomes spring and I long for the garden, what I envision is always the same....me, settling in with a hot mug of coffee early in the morning, or with a cool glass of wine as the sun sets, simply enjoying it all.  There is no busy-ness in my vision (and no bugs, either.)

But truthfully, my sitting usually lasts less than five minutes.   Inevitably,  I scan the garden and, rather than seeing all that there is to enjoy, I begin to notice all the things that need doing and fixing...there are weeds to pull, shrubs to trim, pots to water, flowers to dehead and the list goes on.  And, usually within a very few minutes, I am up and moving....my uncle calls it my "Granny gene."  He says I come by it honestly.  I think, like all things, there is both a blessing and a curse in my granny gene. 

This particular evening, after only a sip or two of wine,  my gaze landed on the fairy garden and waves of guilt immediately washed over me....I should have made it more of a priority to "fix" the tiny vignette, as I had promised c.  And then I noticed something....the fairy garden was decidedly more pink and green than I remembered.  Upon closer inspection, this is what I found: 

c had transformed the fairy garden with leaves and small bits of evergreen, azalea blossoms and even one purple flower she gathered from a clump of chives.  I remembered how amazed she was last summer, when I revealed the fairy garden surprise.  Now it was my turn to be surprised and enchanted!  

I was most taken with the fairy sized "umbrellas" she had created by perching upside down azalea blossoms on small twigs,  strategically anchored in the rock hard ground.   I am sure this took a lot of effort on her part.

Honestly, what fairy could resist such a sweet resting spot?

It only took a few moments for my delight to give way to dismay.  I felt very guilty that c had felt she must take it upon herself to rescue the garden.  After all,  she will only be a little girl for a short time... who knows how long this time will last....will this spring be the last when a few bits of broken brick and pottery shards evoke such delight in her?   

But, as I sat with all those "bad mommy" thoughts and allowed the guilt to simply pass through me, eventually I had a different thought. 

What if there is more to this story than simply the guilt and remorse of a harried mother, neglecting to fulfill a promise?   If I've learned anything from the practice of spiritual direction, I've learned that there is always something more.

Could there also have been a gift to c in this? 

She loves to express her creativity...she writes and draws and decorates and invents games and makes up funny songs and loves to take photographs and I do my best to encourage all of that....but I must admit, I tend to hold on to some things....like home decor and garden design!  In those matters, we often butt heads.  I am sure, had I made the time to "fix" the fairy garden, I would have taken charge and perhaps (more than likely) even rejected c's ideas.  

As completely unconscious as my stepping back was, still...space was created for little c to act on her own creative impulses.  She was so proud and I was truly delighted by what she designed.  And in the end, with my need for correctness out of the way, the fairy garden became something far more meaningful than looking picture perfect...far, far more sacred!  The garden is still a lovely place for fairies but, more importantly, it is a place for a little girl to express herself.... a canvas that invites, encourages, and nurtures imagination and creativity.  A place that invites an encounter with the Divine through creative expression. 

Last year, c spent hours sitting and watching the garden...certain that if she waited long enough a fairy would appear:

Now, I am the one who sits and watches the fairy garden...hoping to catch a glimpse of gossamer wings or a sprinkling of glittering dust in this place,  now of our shared creation...feeling connected TO my daughter...feeling connected to God THROUGH my daughter.  

I do not mean that my distracted behavior toward my daughter is excused and I certainly don't mean that it was "God's plan"...there are lessons for me here about distraction and priorities and, at least for a few days, I know I will be more present to her.  But there is always more.  The story is never only about our failures.  That is what the practice of spiritual direction is about.

The Sacred is moving in EVERY moment of our lives, not just the ones that make us feel good or proud of ourselves.  God is just as evident in our parenting failures as She is in our successes.   Many, like Father Richard Rohr, believe there is more spiritual growth potential in failure than in success. 

Working with a spiritual director can help you notice and savor the Sacred in all areas of your life.  My guess is that many of you have never heard of spiritual direction and it might even sound a bit odd to you.  It  sure did to me!  The first time someone, a minister, said to me, "Why don't you investigate spiritual direction?"  my immediate response was, "Spiritual direction?  What the hell is that??"

If you want to know more about what spiritual direction is or perhaps even more importantly, what it is not, send me a note.  I will be glad to share information with you.  If you are interested in engaging in this ancient practice, get in touch with me.  If I cannot work with you, I will happily help you find a trained and appropriate director.  

God is present in it all and God is longing to be known THROUGH it all....precious little girls and fairy dust and broken promises, azalea blossoms and twigs and rock hard soil...in granny genes, for better or worse....in stillness and busyness, in love and in imperfect parenting.  There is sacredness in and of it all. 

Namaste, 

Lisa 

in clover: paint by number

With my vision impaired, I have not been getting out of the house much at all.  I was getting a little stir crazy so I emailed a friend and suggested a "lunch and junk" outing.  She took me up on my offer which was nice because she had to do all the work!  She's such a good sport.  Once, she rode in my van with her head stuck through a hole in an old screen  door I bought for $1.  That was the only way we could get home.  That's a good, good friend!

We had so much fun!  Driving around the countryside of Central Ky on a pretty day was a pleasure indeed and when we landed at a genuine estate sale,  I was delighted to find a few things I just could not live without.  Here's a photo of my haul, right after we unloaded her truck: 

I was particularly captivated by this pair of 1960's paint by number paintings in faux bamboo frames. I debated and debated...are they cool?  or tacky?  cool?  tacky?  I really don't care for parrots...I don't think....but I LOVED the colors and really liked the bamboo and exotic flowers.  And whoever painted these, from a dime store kit, did a really great job!

When I bought the three dozen or so canning jars, the nice man threw in the unusual square galvanized tub.   These jars give me a good start on next year's pickles and jam. 

My friend spotted the vintage Minolta camera and steered me towards it.  I have a thing for vintage cameras and telephones.  I find them irresistible.  Maybe because they both facilitate communication? Maybe I wanted the camera because it looked like the one I coveted for years...the one my dad toted over his shoulder in the seventies...not sure...I imagine that's a question I could tackle in my journal soon! 

I am very glad I decided not to pass on these two funny little chicken pillows (on the right) for the breakfast nook.  They seemed like the perfect companions for the yellow hooked pillow I bought from Garnet Hill last year: 

So enthralled was I by my retro paint by numbers art, that I set out to find a spot for those parrots right away.  They looked great against the yellow walls of our living room so I decided to try a swap.  Over our sofa, we have a large French iron mirror flanked by vintage French sconces and two Victorian era iron heating grate covers: 

Love these iron grates but they do lack color....

 I decided the parrots deserved a chance.

Yep, that'll work! The parrots bring new energy to the space and I smile every time I see them. 

It's fun to have a little make-over, estate sale style! Plus, I got to hang out with my friend.  All that's left is to find a place for those white iron grates.  

In spiritual direction, we are taught to pay attention.  We are taught to continually ask ourselves what feels life-giving...and what feels life-taking.   

As I type, I find myself wondering if it's wise to post these photos...you might snicker at my idea of "art"...or you might think that my time could have  been used more productively...that I could have been doing something more important or "real."    

Maybe.  It might be silly...inconsequential...genuinely a waste of time.  It may not be productive or bring kudos...but looking for treasure among junk and puttering about my house fills me with a sense of life.

If Spirit whispers to me....make your home with cast off 1960's dime store art, a 50 cent pair of imperfectly sewn calico chickens and a junky old galvanized washtub...who am I to argue?  

Resisting the movement of Spirit never seems to have gotten me anywhere, except stuck.  That doesn't mean that following what is life-giving is always easy...sometimes it can feel darned uncomfortable. (Think "spiritual director" rather than "ordained minister.")  It can feel vulnerable.

But, in the end, choosing to go with the flow has always been the best choice.   Especially when you can go along with a friend who'll stick her head through an old screen door, just to keep you company.

peace and all good, 

Lisa

in clover: a volunteer in the garden

Last spring, Michael and I added a long, narrow raised garden bed along the unused (and weedy) strip between our black top driveway and our neighbors privacy fence.  Michael picked up a truckload of compost from a reputable company and I looked forward to planting neat rows of tomatoes, cucumbers and squash in our newly claimed space.  When it arrived, it smelled terrible!  I called the company to be sure we had purchased seasoned compost and the woman on the other end of the phone assured me that we had.  I'm sure she believed it was ready but in reality, it was not. 

This is an excerpt from a blog post I wrote in June of last year:

 
... Unfortunately, in six weeks time there has been very little growth and blooms wither almost immediately, instead of setting fruit. I don't think we were intentionally given hot compost but I do think we got soil that was not ready for use.  Next time I will listen to my inner voice and trust my instincts.  

Now that the compost has had a year to cure, I have no qualms about planting in the raised beds this year.  But before I could make even a hurried trip to the gardening center to pick up tomatoes and cucs, I noticed something was all ready growing.  I was tempted to pluck out the "weed" but instead, I left it alone.  Before long I could see that this was not a weed.  Before long, the plant looked like this: 

I texted the photo to a knowledgeable veggie growing friend..."Is this a zucchini?"  I asked.  "Not sure.  Definitely some sort of squash" came the reply text.  

A volunteer! 

In gardening and botanical terminology, a volunteer is a plant that grows on its own, rather than being deliberately planted by a farmer or gardener. Volunteers often grow from seeds that float in on the wind, are dropped by birds, or are inadvertently mixed into compost. Unlike weeds, which are unwanted plants, a volunteer may be encouraged once it appears, being watered, fertilized, or otherwise cared for. (Wikipedia).

I watched this squash vine grow and grow and grow with no attention from me...it's by far the largest and healthiest looking plant in my garden.  Today it looks like this: 

 
I never intended on growing a sprawling squash of any sort in the raised bed. It really needs somewhere to grow.  Yesterday I constructed a makeshift bamboo trellis.   The curly tendrils of the plant have all ready latched on to the bamboo overnight...

And this morning I was greeted by these gorgeous blooms...

I am still not sure what kind of squash this is...the most reliable way I can think of to know is to simply wait and see.  

In the early spring months, I begin planning my garden.  I start with pencil and paper.  I sketch diagrams and make lists. I consult experts. I make every effort to get the right plant in the right spot.  And I tend to choose plants I have grown before. Less room for error.  

I also tend to approach life in this same way.  Lots of planning and list making and sticking to what I know.   

Last weekend, I completed my second year of training as a spiritual director with Sycamore Spirituality Center.  By this time next year, I will "be" a spiritual director.  A few days ago someone asked me how I got started in spiritual direction.  It's a long and meandering story...full of unexpected turns and lots of synchronicity. 

At the time, I had plotted and planned to enter seminary.  I was ready to train for a new vocation and I definitely felt a call.  I didn't want to preach because public speaking of any sort made me sick to my stomach.  But I hoped I could serve a church in other ways...or hospital chaplain seemed like it would be a good fit. I was enjoying my volunteer work at UK Children's Hospital. 

I applied and was accepted and began breaking the news to friends and family.  But by the time I was actually ready to begin, I was no longer sure I was on the right path. Finally I confided in a friend who is also a minister.  I remember what I tearfully asked her.  "What else can I do?  If I know God is making a call on my life and I don't believe it includes the seminary path, what do I do? I really don't know.  Do other paths even exist???"  

She asked, "Have you considered spiritual direction?"  

My reaction to her words was pretty much the same as my reaction when I first discovered the mystery squash growing in the garden this spring.  

"What the hell is that?"    

A volunteer.  

A volunteer grows on it's own rather than being deliberately planted...often grows from seeds that float on the wind...

As I approach the end of my training, my questioning mind has bombarded me with questions about the future...will anyone consider spiritual direction to be "real" work?  Will anyone actually want me to be their spiritual director?  Will I work with directees one on one? Or will I do group work? Or both?  Where? And how will I get started?  Will I earn enough to help with Big C's college expenses? 

I've tried to tackle these questions with a pen and a notebook....I've consulted experts....sketched diagrams and made lists.  I've plotted and I've planned. 

But finally I've decided (for the moment, at least) that like the mystery squash in the garden,  I must simply wait and see what fruit this particular volunteer bears.  In the meanwhile I can only focus on tending the plant. 

Mother Earth News says this about volunteer plant, which the writer calls "a garden bonus" : 

Produce from volunteer plants is often bigger and tastier than are intentionally cultivated crops. After all, the plants have sprouted where they want to grow, as opposed to where you want them to. 

That gives me hope.  

Peace and all good, 

Lisa